Tuesday, August 7, 2012

DoGO na BOUNCER

DOGO; broo saa ngapi?
BOUNCER; saa nane na nusu
D0GO: poa ikifika saa tisa kamili nistue nitakushika tako
BOUNCER: unasemaje dogo...yule Bouncer akaanza kumkimbiza dogo,,,kufika mtaa wa pili dogo akaingia nyumba moja hiv kuna mzee amekaa nje anapunga upepo....yule Bouncer kwa hasira akamwambia yule mzee'''babu naomba umtoe huyo dogo kabla cjaingia kumtoa roho'''
MZEE akamuuliza Bouncer'''kwani amefanya nin mpaka umkimbize ivo.'''
BOUNCER: huyu dogo kaniuliza saa nikamwambia saa nane akaniambia ikifika saa tisa nimstue atanishika tako,,
Mzee akaangalia saa kisha akamwabia bouncer ''wasiwasi wako wa nin mbona saa tisa bado''''

DoGO na BOUNCER

DOGO; broo saa ngapi?
BOUNCER; saa nane na nusu
D0GO: poa ikifika saa tisa kamili nistue nitakushika tako
BOUNCER: unasemaje dogo...yule Bouncer akaanza kumkimbiza dogo,,,kufika mtaa wa pili dogo akaingia nyumba moja hiv kuna mzee amekaa nje anapunga upepo....yule Bouncer kwa hasira akamwambia yule mzee'''babu naomba umtoe huyo dogo kabla cjaingia kumtoa roho'''
MZEE akamuuliza Bouncer'''kwani amefanya nin mpaka umkimbize ivo.'''
BOUNCER: huyu dogo kaniuliza saa nikamwambia saa nane akaniambia ikifika saa tisa nimstue atanishika tako,,
Mzee akaangalia saa kisha akamwabia bouncer ''wasiwasi wako wa nin mbona saa tisa bado''''

DoGO na BOUNCER

DOGO; broo saa ngapi?
BOUNCER; saa nane na nusu
D0GO: poa ikifika saa tisa kamili nistue nitakushika tako
BOUNCER: unasemaje dogo...yule Bouncer akaanza kumkimbiza dogo,,,kufika mtaa wa pili dogo akaingia nyumba moja hiv kuna mzee amekaa nje anapunga upepo....yule Bouncer kwa hasira akamwambia yule mzee'''babu naomba umtoe huyo dogo kabla cjaingia kumtoa roho'''
MZEE akamuuliza Bouncer'''kwani amefanya nin mpaka umkimbize ivo.'''
BOUNCER: huyu dogo kaniuliza saa nikamwambia saa nane akaniambia ikifika saa tisa nimstue atanishika tako,,
Mzee akaangalia saa kisha akamwabia bouncer ''wasiwasi wako wa nin mbona saa tisa bado''''

Friday, August 3, 2012

Stupid Questions Well Answered

MRD: Stupid Questions Well Answered:
Q: Umenyoa nywele?
A: Hapana, nimebadilisha kichwa.
Q: Hiyo simu umenunua?
A: Hapana nimeitengeneza mwenyewe.
Q: Utakula mboga na nini? A: Mdomo
(A midnight call)
Q: Nimekuamsha?
A: Hapana nilikuwa naota jua hapa nje.
Q: Gazeti la leo linasemaje?
A: Sijaongea nalo. Q: Gari limejaa, nitakaa wapi?
A: Usijali dereva anashuka kituo kinachofata utapata kiti.
Q: Hiyo ni accident?
A: Hapana ni driver ameamua kupark gari upside down.
Q: Umepause movie?
A: Hapana wamechoka kuact wanarest.

SWAG WE UNAZO KAMA HIZI

VITUKO USWAHILINI

VITUKO USWAHILINI
Jamaa flani kaingia kinyozi,wakati yuanyolewa kukaingia dem msupa.Jamaa akaamua kujaribu bahati yake.

JAMAA:"Mambo?"
MSUPA:"Poa"

JAMAA:"Mi na wewe tunaeza meet baadae?"
MSUPA:"Kwanini?"

JAMAA:"Kwa sababu umenibamba nataka nikupeleke date"
MSUPA:"Sawa,lakini nitamwambia nini mume wangu?"

JAMAA:"Aaah...hilo si tatizo mdanganye tu! Mwambie umeenda kutembelea rafiki yako hospitalini"
MSUPA:"Mwambie mwenyewe....huyo hapo anakunyoa!"

JAMAA:"Duh..!"

MTUMISHI NDO MAMBO GANI HAYO

Mtumishi mmoja wa kanisa alikwenda kulala na dada wa kanisa chini ya mti... Juu ya huo mti alikuwepo mvuta bangi akivuta bangi... Mara baada ya kumaliza mambo yao yule dada akamuuliza mtumishi hivi uli2mia condom...
Mtumishi: hapana!
Dada: sasa unadhani nkipata mimba itakuwaje kwa kanisa na 2tafanyaje...
Mtumishi: mwachie aliejuu bwana, achana na hayo mambo!
Mvuta bangi: akadondoka chini na kusema, nyie mnaakili kweli mumwachie nani wakati mmefanya nyie nawaona hapo...
Mtumishi na yule dada wakazimia